Past few days I’m preoccupied by so many works from school. I’ve been caught up in the middle of school stress because it’s almost finals week plus an emotional stress kind of feeling.
I have emotional issues within myself towards other people. They may not know it yet, but yes I’m a person who is so emotional. My love language are touch and quality time. I love people who loves me and appreciates me more than most. Those people who spent so much one on one time with me like: dates, heart to heart talks, conversational walks , sit with me and just talk about life.
Months ago I feel out-of-place by a set of group , knowing myself I wasn’t like that. I don’t easily get jealous by anyone but I don’t know why I get jealous. I tend to ask God why, and God seems so silent about it. So I go on with my life…and then again the feeling keeps on coming back. I thought I was pretty okay but as days goes by it goes deeper and deeper with my emotions. I even felt that no one loves me in this world,that people does have favoritism . I even doubted to God if He does really hears my prayers and cry at night . Because I have no one to share about my fights I found my self depress and hot-tempered most of the time.
Until one day I found myself crying at the corner of my bed asking God why is this feeling of jealousy keeps bothering me. As I face my final week for school , the feeling still bothers me but because studies are more important I focus myself first in finishing my requirements . Now that the school is mostly over I decided to deal my self this time. I’ve been doing good in school and now it’s time for me to deal my emotions and feelings. As I pray and ponder how can I help my self to be okay I decided to have my “SELAH” moment with God. Just so you know selah is a word that can be associated with PAUSE. Having a selah moment is a time wherein you put your focus on the things God wants you to think about . You allow to pause and let God have the full authority in your life. You spend time to meet God and allowing yourself to be more open to Him.
At this point I’m about to set my heart , emotions, spirit , mind and soul in a selah moment with God. I want to put an end to my jealousy issue within myself and put a stop in my bad emotions. I wanted God to be the one to help me deal with my self. Even though in this process He seems to be so silent but I believe when God is silent He is up to something for me. I love people who are dear to me , I love helping them , being their companion, the listener kind of friend, the food buddy kind of classmates and an encouragement type of believer but before those things I must first help my self to be right with God . To be Holy and sanctified follower of Christ who aims to be more Christ-like everyday of my life.
I came across to this verse that I still keep on holding on for His promises endures in my life.
King James Version (KJV)
46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
Because in the end of the day you are the rock of my life. He remains the faithful and constant God I have in my life. The one who will never forsake His children for we belong to you.