Basti the Success

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Coming out from the elevator holding his Samsonite bag on his shoulder, on his left hand phone and car key, and on his right a cup of his favorite latte from a coffee shop. The barks of the dogs were filling the hallway towards his unit on the 32nd floor of Serendra Tower II in Bonifacio Global City. After a tiring day coming home from work Basti was opening the door and welcomed by his cuddly white and creamy Labradors.  They jump over his lap, lick his arms and feet.  Basti went straight to the kitchen looking for a dessert to fit for his latte.  Opens the fridge and found a mango crepe topped with roasted pili nuts and whipped cream. Holding his plate of dessert, Basti move his feet towards the balcony facing the different skyscrapers of Taguig in his front. Looking up upon the night sky, connecting the stars by his hand and from his sight an overlooking view of the highways and city lights surrounding him. On His side a woven water lily chair where he sits and stretched   his tired legs and arms. He placed his plate on the table side, during the night stars Basti started thinking about the question of the investor he met before he held back home. His phone rang and the investor was again asking about the name of their company Janitress. “Why do I have to know the name of those women? Why is the investor taking time to ask me for just that matter?”

 

The next day, employees are coming over to the company hurrying themselves to get inside the elevator before 8 a.m. because as soon as Basti gets inn only Basti is allowed to use the elevator going to his office. The staffs in his office are shaking their heads thinking if they can survive a day. From the loud mouth of Basti to his sensitive working standard, almost every two months one or two of his staffs are being fired because they can’t get along with the standard work Basti requires. After the board meeting the same investor he meets last night was there, they talked about different things in the business they are about to be partners with until the investor mentioned “Signing of contracts will be done unless you tell me the name of that old women in the Lobby or else no partnership” after that the investor immediately left. Basti called one of His staff and asked to know about that old lady on the lobby. To Basti’s surprise the old lady was the companies long term janitress and recently the old lady loss his husband and children in a car accident. The old lady was serving them from the time of his Lolo down to His Father and now to Basti’s term.  The old lady was also His late father’s personal cleaner in the office, looking at the record the old lady got the highest benefits of retirement that His father grant for the old lady. Sending a message to the investor Basti told Him that he already knew the name of the old lady at the lobby and with that contracts are set to be signed tomorrow morning.

 

That night as I was about to give Basti’s coffee I saw him staring at the picture of his late father.  “Do you miss him? It’s been years the last time I saw you looking to that picture” I said. Basti replied “Nay, I hate him from the very start mom left us when I was still young because he has no time for us. I promised myself when I grew up I will punish those people in the company who take him away from us during those years we need him. And I realize now that I’m the CEO of the company I took away all the employees retirement  benefits one way of my revenge, but awhile ago  Uncle Lito who is my new investor asked me to know the name of this old lady in the lobby which happens to be our companies long term employee. I remember that old lady before, she used to serve me foods those times I’m waiting for my dad inside the office. How selfish I am. All along I tried to prove myself to everyone that I am better than my dad but look who is talking; His arrogant son who tends to pretend he knows everything.”I embrace tightly my crying Basti.

I was the one taking care of Basti the moment his mom left her, because his dad was very busy in the company I saw Basti’s struggle as a child. Those times he was bullied in school for some character issues wherein I am always the one his father sent in the principal’s office in his behalf. I’ve been Basti’s best friend, listener, father, mother, sibling and most of his entire nanny. The impact of hatred between his fathers was really deep; he strives harder and harder because in the family there is no room for mistakes. His father raised him to be stronger and wiser from all. Basti Strives for success and yes he has that now the money success but the inner one is a process.  The lovely and caring heart when he was still a child was taken away from Basti, replaced by a stonehearted person developed by pain, hurts, pressure and anger. Tonight Basti was enlighten about the fruit of his actions. I keep telling Basti the only success is not define by this world , rather the contentment of the heart matters. The world will not give you success for only your actions towards people around you will say you are a successful one. Life is not about being arrogant  and revenge , they may things we wish we don’t undergone but let’s keep returning and sowing the kindness and love for others.

 

When It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

Have you ever questioned yourself why there are pains in this life?  Or maybe you felt unjustified by a specific issue? How can you respond perfectly well if totally you yourself are not okay? It was a very roller coaster ride of life, wherein I found myself not really okay, but trying to be. Those nights I look upon the sky at night and whisper in the air “Is there any justice in this life?” I was blinded looking for justice in this world and putting things and ways in my hand that I almost forgot to look up the sky higher than mine. Knowing there is a God who gives justice to His people who are suffering.

People say that in life there are truly sufferings, trials, test and troubles but we must respond in a positive way. Remember there is nothing wrong in having a positive kind of thinking; we should be positive in all ways, but in this world do we give space for people to lament? Do we allow them to express themselves that they are not okay?

Ordinary people may find me weird but whenever I’m not okay, I always bring my cares and burdens upon God, because I am afraid that people will judge me for who am I and what I’ve done. I always keep it to myself whenever I am not okay. I project a wonderful smile to people every day, help them, love them but deep inside a broken heart of being bold and honest.

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Meet You In My Dreams

 

Late at night ,  busy doing my  remaining five baskets of  laundry  my phone rang, I tried to ignore the call but suddenly you came to my mind . So I rushed coming down from the second floor, to my surprise there you are, your name was flashed on my phone screen.  My heart started to beat fast and I don’t know what to do. I missed a call from you, you don’t usually give a call and seeing that phone call record my heart was really surprised. Standing at my feet holding my phone I was seeing you; standing in front of my house holding a bag of our favorite on –the-go food with our favorite milk shake drink. With your car parked at the back of mine, you opened your car trunk surprised me with a big arrangement of my favorite balloons and hand me my favorite cookie.  I can’t ask for more, you never fail when it comes to surprises. You never forget to put a smile on my face and hug me tight closer to your arms and feeling the beat of your heart and mine. I always remind myself those times how lucky I am to have someone like you whose heart was full of love and compassion ,but I have to deal with it’s just a dream after all.

I have to face the reality that there was never an us now, I have to tell myself not to think of you anymore because every time I would , tears in my eyes and to my heart is always present . I have to give up all our dreams and promises to each other leaving those behind with a broken heart, but what remains are those memories we’ve shared.  The photographs that are developed thru our hearts ,those conversations at night being locked in my head ,those late night drives we used  to do together are being fueled by our connections and those timeless and treasured I love you we used to say to one another.

How can I move forward if your name was still carved inside my heart, no stone even water can soften but only your word of saying “can we talk?” I’m still walking tonight in this river bank whispering someday will go back here and settle things to be right. I won’t and I don’t hold any grudges towards you after all we have been through but a heart willing to accept you and understand for whom you are.  I’m waiting and even when seasons can’t bare I will still  wait for that time of healing . Tonight I look upon those stars  in the night , someday somewhere our paths would cross again you know my name.

Share What Matters , Giving When It Matters Most

 

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Years ago , there was a girl who  loves to play with her dolls , kitchen toys , sing songs and most of all read her books  before bed time. Truly a graceful and loving child, until one day she asked his dad if she can play outside there garden with her toys and his dad said “Sweetheart, remember we just got home from the hospital, they checked your body using those huge cameras and they found out there was this black big worm who gets inside your body who happens to eat all your good soldiers inside. You have to help us fight that black big worm first, before you can play outside.” The little girl replied “But dad how can I remove that black big worm? I want to keep my good soldiers inside my body because they protect me.” The dad carried the girl outside going to the balcony where they both sat facing each other, then his dad began to talk to the girl over there favorite strawberry ice cream along aside, for her to fight the black big worm they need to find someone who can share a white big worm for her because it is the only one who can eat the black big worm. They end there ice cream talk with a promise that both of them will pray to Abba for someone who has this white big worm to help them.

 

The next day early in the morning while his dad was fixing his car, someone tapped his shoulders; the dad looked upon the face and did not recognize who is the old lady in a white dress. The dad asked what the lady is up to from tapping his shoulder and the old lady answered “I came here to ask for a glass of water? I’m thirsty and tired.” Immediately the dad gets inside the house for a glass of water until the old lady said upon giving the water “You have a good heart young man, Abba answered your prayer. Get inside the room of your son, awaken him from his sleep and ask him about a dream. He is the one Abba gave for your sick baby”

So the dad rushed himself to the room and saw his son sleeping, he immediately awaken his son and asked “Bary my son, Do you have a dream today?” his son answered “yes dad I did, I dreamed something about a friend whom I am sharing my blood in the hospital. I saw my face very worried and a question in my mind if after that I will die, but on that dream I saw you coming to me holding my hand and I feel safe dad.” His dad cried and kneel facing to his son saying “Bary  remember yesterday you are playing outside the garden while me and your sister Cali was eating ice cream ? The super-doctors saw a black worm inside your sister’s body who eats all her  good body soldiers ,they need someone who has a mighty  white big worm to help her not be eaten by those black worms and the good thing is that you have those strong mighty white worms.” Bary was thinking if he does have those white worms he has to help her sister Cali. So he seated on the floor with his  dad and uttered “ Dad  I love my sister so much ,in my dreams I saw myself sharing my blood and I was afraid but you are there to hold my hand . So now it’s also about sharing my white big worm to Cali, I won’t be afraid because I know you are there to keep me safe.”

 

Three months later Cali is now playing outside the garden with Bary and eating ice cream with their dad.  Cali is now free from her sickness and Bary has been the way for that operation and the dad has been the guide all the way. We shouldn’t be afraid to share what we are capable of sharing, remember someone even offer his own life just for us. The love He had shown through the cross (Calvary (Cali-Bary) was like Bary who offered his life to give meaning to someone’s life. He(Jesus) knew what  to happen next and because he was assured that someone will keep him safe which is his dad (Father God) so he allow that blood to spill in his body, It’s hard and painful but in the end Jesus won the victory for you and me !

My Dead Nerves

 Weeks ago I was having a bad time with my Gums, I thought it’s just a normal gum problem because I have very sensitive gums. I told my parents how painful the Gums were and they adviced me to see my dentist. All my life I’ve never been brought to a hospital for confinement until now by God’s grace. As I see my doctor , she told me that there was a certain part of my gums that were swollen and had bruises . She did x-ray twice for my gums to see the reason of those swollen parts. After several tests the reason of the pain was dead nerves in my teeth. The only way to cure the pain is to undergo RC or as they call it “Root Canal”.18554824_1535262136497546_505203072_n

 I was on my panic mode hearing I’m in for an operation, and then I was reminded by this verse in Psalm that says

“Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.”

 Hearing the word RC I was so scared. Sitting in the dental chair getting ready for my operation, I set my heart upon God knowing He is in-charge of everything. Because I don’t have any companion rather than myself I asked God to hold my hands while the operation is ongoing. Thank God! San Buena Dental Care has the best doctors and assistants. I felt little nervous but because my doctor explained everything to me and calmed me, everything went well and beautiful. Just like Jesus who cares for His children’s need, He used many people to be instruments and channels of His good deeds.

18553010_1535260119831081_605754660_o I want you to meet the woman behind my successful operation Doctor Lei Antoine Abrecea of San Buena Dental Care; she has been taking care of my teeth and my dad as well. From the very start SBDC has been the one taking care of our family’s dental needs. Special thanks to the beautiful person behind all blessings and favor in our family, Doctor Dior SanBuenaventura Santos. If you want to experience having a smile like a beauty queen visit them18575747_1535259956497764_1631927642_o

at UG 17City Land Tower Shaw Mandaluyong City, at the back of Shang-ri-la La Place.

18516798_1535260783164348_875063464_oAfter the operation I asked God what he wanted to tell me to undergo such operation. He impressed to me the three roots that have to be cut down. The dead nerves represent the pain in our lives. Just like how the RC operation went , many times they had to put many needles that can cause you pain that allows them to give you anesthesia. After all the pain, the doctor will clean all the roots make sure no bacteria are left in the canals and then put a cement to cover the holes of the canals. Just like in real life application , putting anesthesia is the time you surrender all your grudges in the hands of God . What I’ve learned is that if you surrender your dead nerves or your troubles and pain in the Lord, He will be the doctor to heal every nerve. He cleans the intention of our hearts . Covers the canal with undeserved grace and lavished with water of love. In the end, God puts Victory over everything. Now no more pain because I learned to Trust In His Heart more than most….18553067_1535260356497724_1615337369_o

 

Ending My Selah Time

If you have been reading my other blog entries  you already have the  glimpse of what my selah time has been doing so far. Nights ago while turning channels to different stations  , I came across  watching a Christian program called The 700 Club Asia . That time I knew that it’s not an accident for me to stay tune on that station, the Lord immediately told me that I have to wait about something. While watching the said program they have this segment wherein they pray  freely according to what God has been telling them to  pray for. That time one of the host named  Kata Innocencio prayed about a girl who has been oppressed by the enemy and the Lord is  just giving that person a hope, peace and joy inside her heart and setting her free from any holds of the enemy. That time I knew it already and I immediately claim that prayer for me.  As the program ended before I go to bed, I always have these time to set my heart upon God and do my quiet time with the Lord. During my time with God he confirms through His word in Revelations 21

Revelation 21  Contemporary English Version (CEV)

The New Heaven and the New Earth

21 I saw a new heaven and a new earth. The first heaven and the first earth had disappeared, and so had the sea. Then I saw New Jerusalem, that holy city, coming down from God in heaven. It was like a bride dressed in her wedding gown and ready to meet her husband.

I heard a loud voice shout from the throne:

God’s home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people. He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.

Then the one sitting on the throne said:

I am making everything new. Write down what I have said. My words are true and can be trusted. Everything is finished! I am Alpha and Omega,[a] the beginning and the end. I will freely give water from the life-giving fountain to everyone who is thirsty. All who win the victory will be given these blessings. I will be their God, and they will be my people.

 

 

What clearly strikes to me in this verse was the “ Everything is Finished!” , I don’t want to pretend or  push immediately myself to be okay because I wanted it to be genuine . I wanted God to be the one to tell me that I’m okay so truly He did. This has been a confirmation that truly I’m okay.

I realized how wonderful it is  to allow God to move in my pains. There’s always a purpose for me, choosing to have  my selah moment with God. The Lord totally allowed everything to happen.  The verses during my time with God  was a confirmation that everything is finished. All throughout my selah  journey I learned that being sensitive can bring good and bad but the way I respond in the situation matters most for the Lord. I learned not to decide immediately rather to surrender all in the  hands  of our Father. That problems must be faced personally  not to  run away from it. I choose to love and stay loving. To appreciate not to blame . To love them not to hate and to understand not to question.   There is a purpose for every pain, that I learned how to submit myself under God. Acknowledging Him for everything , I know God is up to something for me and I’m ready for it . Luke 22:31–32

Luke 22:31-32  New International Version (NIV)

31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

 

It’s about time to go back. Obeying to what God has been ordering me to do. When correction is necessary ; it should be done with KINDNESS and LOVE . In that way we become imitators of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 48:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

In life we undergone several refinement because we are always under construction  and a work in progress  for God. 98More than anything else He remain the same God who is sovereign indeed in our lives !

 

Meet me in Bataan

 

Holy week is almost over and now its time for us to explore. Fewer people around the beach  , no crowded places and no heavy traffic is always what we look forward during travels like these . Every summer we took a relaxing  day to unwind. Last year we explore Ilocos and Baguio so this time we are in Bataan.

Bataan was fully known for it’s contribution in our Philippine history but we didn’t get the chance to go from those historical sites in Bataan. There were only two destinations we got to visit from our one day tour in  Bataan.CIMG0975

  1. Vietnamese Food House

The Famous Loleng’s Hutieu-An .

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Hutieu-An in Filipino is  mami noodle soup according to my grandmother who is a  Vietnamese.

We ordered there famous Banh Mi

A traditional vietnamese sandwich.

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And the Best seller Hutieu Beef and Chicken special.

 

The Food was a blast. Very delicious and affordable for all types of people.The service was good we only waited 5-10 minutes for the food to be served. With a very friendly space for everyone inside the store. Here are some photos I got to take.

2.  Juness Beach Resort

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This is where we almost stayed the whole day. Juness was located at  Morong Bataan. With the help of online road maps we were able to get there with no problems. The resort would be highly recommended. The beach  is so clean and  the sands were all good. Even the beach itself has nothing to  worry  about because the sea has no rocks or shells under it.  The shower room worked well for everyone. The resort has a big beach space were kids can run , build sand castles and play around. They also have one big pool.

Looking at the horizon of the sky , I can’t imagine how wonderful God has created all for us. I tend to sit beside the shore and just take a deep breath. Acknowledging how amazing our creator. His creation speaks clearly  of Him. The unconditional love he has for us.CIMG1070

Given the chance to refresh and unwind allows me to see God in a deeper manner. He always causes things according to His Glory !

 

 

 

 

Let It Be

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My mind contains some questions. Wherein there are thoughts that   I want to know; the purpose of every pain, the goal of each challenges and the reason for every trials. I want to know everything that is going on in my life. I want to know where things will bring me and where am I heading too. Why such pain keeps visiting my life; questions me every time. Looking for answers, I put everything on my hand just to answer all my questions, but I was wrong after all.

I took a break from everything , I set my heart on  God alone  during those days I don’t feel any better good in my life .  In the middle of life’s testing of faith and struggles I choose to find Jesus in my dark moments and low lights.

I asked God to remove my pain many times but GRACE Is all I need. I kept reminding myself that His ways are higher than my own. That there are things and struggles happening , I may not find a concrete answer or explanation from Him  but soon I will understand His own reason for allowing things as it be.

In life He allows us to suffer for us to learn to depend on Him more.  To seek Him in spirit and truth. So that His Glory and name will be lifted up. The greatest pains can be our stepping stone for His greater calling. We may not find any reason to be thankful in the midst of the storms we must rejoice in all circumstances. One day ,all these mess will turn out  to be God’s masterpiece.

 

Today I’m learning to let things as it is. I found myself not to question His ways. Not to question all the pain inside. Resist  the enemy of  doubt .    Instead I  learned  to be still in Him. I Learn  to trust God in all things. Allow Him to move over my life, correct my heart, realign my inner thoughts and restore my faith.  I’m learning to thank Him in all hardships and testing for I know someday it can benefit others. Encourage someone who will undergo the same as mine makes all the difference .

Every day I face things as what God wants.  Believing that He is the one in-charge over my pain to make me COMPLETE . For I choose to STEADY  my heart in unison to the beat of His .  Able to stand STRONG  in my faith knowing  His  better plans for me.  And as He keeps moving the mountains of my life I found a FIRM foundation in Him.

letter to self

Dear self,

I know how much you are feeling right now. I may not be able to choose the right words to describe my feelings now for you know what my heart cries out. He is silent in this season but holds on and takes heart. You never know how and what tomorrow will bring you to His destined plans. Right now, set your heart align to Him and let your heart rest on His constant plans. You may never know and understand things that are happening but keep trusting Him. You may wonder why no one notices your pain and your struggles but there is a big God who knows every single detail. No needs to use many highfalutin words just to impress anyone, for you are to impress the only one true king of your life.

There are people you choose to love but not in return. They may hurt you and fail your expectations but one thing remains because the Love of God for you remains constant through trial and change.

Right now you chose to pause and see who the real ones to stay are. You expect them to run after you but you see yourself running after God. For you are created after Gods own heart not to anyone else.

Almost every day you learn the true essence of praying; not to ask God to bless your human plans but to allow Him   lay down His plans over your life. Accept that things may not materialize according to your own will but God alone.

Two things to my dear self: never expect because it will only cause you inner hurts.  Never bring jealousy in your mind for it is the tool of the enemy to disturb you and delay the things God has set for you.

At this point in time wait patiently, watch diligently and continue seeking the Lord’s will in your life.

Don’t be depressing. Don’t be jealous. Don’t stress yourself to those people.

Before you encourage someone you must be encouraged by God using your trials and struggles to be an effective tool to others in His Kingdom.

In the end of the day I will continue proclaiming that you are my good, good Abba Father in heaven.

Audrey you are worth every tear and scar even when you feel you’re not, you are made beautiful in my eyes. Keep that in your HEART. –Abba Father

1 peter 5:1-11

1Church leaders, I am writing to encourage you. I too am a leader, as well as a witness to Christ’s suffering, and I will share in his glory when it is shown to us.

2 Just as shepherds watch over their sheep, you must watch over everyone God has placed in your care. Do it willingly in order to please God, and not simply because you think you must. Let it be something you want it do, instead of something you do merely to make money.

3Don‘t be bossy to those people who are in your care, but set an example for them.

4 Then when Christ the Chief Shepered returns, you will be given a crown that will never lose its glory.

5 all of you young people should obey your elders. In fact, everyone should be humble toward everyone else. The scripture say,

“God opposes proud people, but he helps everyone who is humble.”

6 Be humble in the presence of God’s mighty power, and he will honor you when the time comes.

7God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.

8 Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack.

 

9 But you must resist the devil and stay strong in your faith. You know that all over the world the Lords followers are suffering just as you are.

10 But God shows undeserved kindness to everyone. That’s why he appointed Christ Jesus to choose you to share in his eternal glory. You will suffer for a while, but God will make you complete, steady, strong, and firm.

11 God will be in control forever! Amen.

Pause

Past few days I’m preoccupied by so many works from school. I’ve been caught up in the middle of school stress because it’s almost finals week plus an emotional stress kind of feeling.

I have emotional issues within myself towards other people. They may not know it yet, but yes I’m a person who is so emotional. My love language are touch and quality time. I love people who loves me and appreciates me more than most. Those people who spent so much one on one time with me like: dates, heart to heart talks, conversational walks , sit with me and just talk about life.

Months ago I feel  out-of-place by a set of group , knowing myself I wasn’t like that. I don’t easily get jealous by anyone but I don’t know why I get jealous. I tend to ask God why, and God seems so silent about it. So I go on with my life…and then again the feeling keeps on coming  back. I thought I was pretty okay but as days goes by it goes deeper and deeper with my emotions.  I even felt that no one loves me in this world,that people does  have favoritism . I even doubted to God if He does really hears my prayers and cry at night  . Because I have no one to share about my fights I found my self depress and hot-tempered most of the time.

Until one day I found myself crying at the corner  of my bed asking God why is this feeling of jealousy  keeps bothering me. As I face my final week for school , the feeling  still bothers me but because studies are more important I focus myself first in finishing my requirements .  Now that the school is  mostly over I decided to deal my self this time. I’ve been doing good in school and now it’s time for me to deal my emotions and feelings. As I pray and ponder how can I help my self to be okay I decided to  have my “SELAH” moment with God. Just so you know selah is a word that can be associated with PAUSE. Having a selah moment is a time wherein you put your focus on the things God wants you to think about . You allow to pause and let God have the full authority in your life. You spend time to meet God and allowing yourself to be more open to Him.

At this point I’m about to set my heart , emotions, spirit , mind and soul in a selah moment with God. I want to put an end to my jealousy issue within myself and put a stop in my  bad emotions. I wanted God to be the one to help me deal with my self. Even though in this process He seems to be so silent but I believe when God is silent He is up to something for me. I love people who are dear to me , I love helping them , being their companion, the listener kind of friend, the food buddy kind of classmates and an encouragement type of believer  but before those things I must first help my self to be right with God . To be Holy and sanctified follower of Christ who aims to be more Christ-like everyday of my life.

I came across to this verse that I still keep on holding on for His promises endures in my life.

Psalm 46:1-9 

King James Version (KJV)

46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

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Because in the end of the day you are the rock of my life. He remains the faithful and constant God I have in my life. The one who will never forsake His children  for we belong to you.