Two months ago they found something in my left breast, without expecting for such findings because totally there was nothing I felt. I’m not even to take some serious shots with my breast because my real intention that time was to address my lungs issues. So when I received the results of my lung examination tests I saw other findings about my left breast. As consulted with my very kindhearted doctor she recommended for a breast ultrasound which I refused. During that time my focus was my lungs, setting aside serious treatment with the breast thing. At the back of my mind it’s just a soft tissue in my breast nothing to worry about because it could be just some baby fats around and medicines can take control melting it. To cut the long story short, after my lung medication, other symptoms started to arise in my body. Felt dizziness most of the time, an out balance in my body, frequent body aches , bone ache and headaches. Because all I thought it’s normal to feel things that way, in the middle of my final season of the semester in school. Facing different sleepless nights and stress to finish my school task allows me to sleep late in the morning already, with such a busy mode my focus is to just finish everything because being a graduating student is real.
It was the days of my Birthday that things get worsen enough in my body. I felt something’s wrong in my left neck; experiencing late night chills, fever,body and head pains at night. I clearly remember how my body would scream in pain those nights and all I can do is ask the Lord to help me out.
Next day, immediately set an appointment with my doctor that day because I felt two lumps as big as marble on my both left and right lower neck. Observing myself in the mirror I noticed that my jaws are not proportion, so I started to touch my left neck and yes, totally a painful touch of a big scattered swollen parts. So I met my doctor finally and we end up by having two findings. It could be a mumps but the location was totally hilarious and another thing to consider is the Lyhmpagnitis, knowing that I also have another two big lumps in both sides of my neck added by the soft tissue seen in my left breast. So I took medication and started considering taking a deeper actions with my breast because seriously the breast and the neck are connected to one another.
I choose to calm down and surrender my thoughts to the Lord. Whether Lymphoma, Tumor or Cancer, my heart is secured in Jesus Christ. Even before I went to the doctor the Lord talked to me already that He is to give me a sickness and my respond is to find REST in Him alone. So I kept silent about my fight, resting on Jesus alone. Shared my journey with few people close to me – my parents , my sister , some of my closest sister in Christ and my Faith Group Leader . They encourage me to be stronger and trust Jesus that He is able to do impossible things.
As the medication journey begins there are still pains in my body, my neck squeezing me in pain and my head ache started to get worse. With such situation I learned to yield myself before God. Those nights I would asked God where he is in my painful nights and does he truly care for me are still clear in my mind.
Accepting that I am weak and not in control over my life, at that point- lingering in my thoughts and emotions – dealing with my physical pain, I stared upon a book given to me by a special friend and started reading the book by Ardy Roberto entitled- “The Heart of Healing”. By reading that book the Lord began to speak and made me realize that my Abba Father is also my great Physician. I started to process things before Him and acknowledge resting upon Him in FAITH. The one word he has given me is REST and I put corresponding reminders on each letters allowing me to remain strong and firm.
R. E. S. T.
Remind yourself that He is FAITHFUL
Examine your heart. Exhale the bad thoughts and Inhale His goodness
Simply rely and rest on His unchanging LOVE
Thankful heart towards the constant Abba Father
I keep myself on the attitude of REST- everyday I’m tired of experiencing pains, dealing with the struggle in drinking medicines and side effects I would always recite those things and remain in Him. I knew from the start that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He might be so quiet but as the saying goes “The teacher is quiet during exams or test.”
After pondering I step out and started to take decision to get several test. To confirm things if Cancer, Lymphoma or Tumor. As I began to undergo such tests I put my REST mode in Jesus, whatever the results might bring me, His name to be praised forever.
So the day finally came and the results are out. And here you go now girl . . . . . NEGATIVE – is the first word in the diagnosis paper Praise God! No soft tissue seen in my left and right breast and no signs of any cancerous marbles in my neck, I believed something called miracle happened to me. I can finally breathe clearly hahaha… with such a big relief it was. If you can see my face how bright it was when I shared the news to those people who prayed with me and shared some love in my journey.
Although the findings of my other test result leads to another journey in my ovaries but as the Lord leads me to REST and that will always be. I pictured myself in the palm of God resting on Him in the middle of my pains and He is always at my side developing and protecting me. I’m not scared with the new findings because Jesus won it all at the cross. By His stripes I and you are healed. And in our painful times he seems quiet but His ways are higher than ours because all things work together for our good for those who put trust in Him.
Maybe you can’t believe about all this because despite of my journey of pain I still projected an Audrey kind of way and only few may notice something’s wrong. Others may find me more apart that’s because I am quiet and not feeling better. And maybe you just come across this entry and in your head a whisper saying “Why? Do I care?” all I can say is Yes …you must care, because there are more people around you who chose to keep quiet in life’s journey that totally needs some hug, love, support , prayer or encouragement. Never set them aside instead be a blessing to them. We are created blessed to bless others by our best of appreciation, love and care. A simple “how can I pray for you?” can be a good start to help a friend and make a difference in her journey. A person who truly cares is a real treasure in life and can be considered a heavenly sent people. So let’s spread the love of Jesus by caring and sharing our best adventures. To those I never tap to share my struggles back then , I apologize if I close my heart to share this journey before. Just like others who keep quiet in a journey they may also have an excuse to open up just like mine, but it’s also by the Grace of God that someone brave enough shared her love, encouragement, prayer and care to me despite of my excuses .That’s why I began to open my heart to other people and started sharing what is really going on in me. So here it is the whole story of that journey I hide before but now sharing to you. My journey with Lyhmpagnitis has come to an end but my journey with Jesus is not yet done. My journey in touching those hearts that refuse to express and fill the mind and hearts with excuses is just starting. Be part of making this world a place of love and be a thankful servant after Gods own heart. Sharing how faithful Jesus in our lives by making Him known and allowing others to experience the love of God. Let His power be displayed and miracles work! Glory is all yours Abba Father !
Psalm 71 NIV
1 In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
2 In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.
5 For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise you.
7 I have become a sign to many;
you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.
9 Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
10 For my enemies speak against me;
those who wait to kill me conspire together.
11 They say, “God has forsaken him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him.”
12 Do not be far from me, my God;
come quickly, God, to help me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long—
though I know not how to relate them all.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
you who have done great things.
Who is like you, God?
20 Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.
22 I will praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you—
I whom you have delivered.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
have been put to shame and confusion.